rhapsodies of a Glandular life

True vs Truth, an excerpt from 'My Sheep Hear My Voice' by J. C. Hedgecock

2011-06-19T17:58:00.000+08:00

I am going to share with you an illustration of the difference between something being 'true' and 'truth'. Many years ago, I heard Arthur Burt (a man of God from Wales who lived in England at the time) share the difference between 'true' and 'truth'. Now I share this illustration everywhere I teach.

When Arthur visited our church, he stayed with one of the elders. He mentioned that, even though it is a British custom to take tea every afternoon, his host had never offered him tea during the many visits he had made to the elder's home. That was true. He then asked the congregation what we thought of such a host. Of course, everyone quickly judged the elder, but the truth was that Arthur had told his host on his first visit that he didn't like tea and not to bother offering him any! The first thing he said was true, but because he had left out an important part, the conclusion it left was a lie rather than truth. When he added the other part, it became truth.

Anytime you come to a conclusion that is contrary to what God says, it is not truth. In fact, it is a lie! It doesn't matter if you find 50 scriptures to 'back it up' and reinforce your opinion. If someone presents a doctrine (or you decide something is a doctrine) and it contains portions that are true but the conclusion is not the rightly divided truth of God's word, it is a lie. If you only have spiritual understanding of some portions of a doctrine and fill in the rest with theory or your personal interpretation of the Word, you will come up with a false doctrine. It is not 'truth' even though it may contain things that are 'true'. Truth is never threatened by a lie, but a lie will always be exposed by the truth.

The Word must be rightly divided and interpreted by the Holy Spirit, not by myself or any other man. 2 Peter 1:20 says no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.

- pg 28 - 29

Another excerpt from "The Reason for God" by Timothy Keller

2011-06-11T14:59:00.000+08:00

The faith that changes the life and connects to God is best conveyed by the word 'trust'.

Imagine you are on a high cliff and you lose your footing and begin to fall. Just beside you as you fall is a branch sticking out of the very edge of the cliff. It is your only hope and it is more than enough to support your weight. How can it save you?

If your mind is filled with intellectual certainty that the branch can support you, but you don't actually reach out and grab it, you are lost.
If your mind is instead filled with doubts and uncertainty that the branch can hold you, but you reach out and grab it anyway, you will be saved.

Why? It is not the strength of your faith but the object of your faith that actually saves you. Strong faith in a weak branch is fatally inferior to weak faith in a strong branch.

- pg 234

Excerpts from "The Reason for God" by Timothy Keller

2011-05-10T18:04:00.003+08:00

C. S. Lewis gives us a metaphor for knowing the truth about God when he writes that he believes in God 'as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else'. Imagine trying to look directly at the sun in order to learn about it. You can't do it. It will burn out your retinas, ruining your capacity to take it in. A far better way to learn about the existence, power and quality of the sun is to look at the world it shows you, to recognise how it sustains everything you see and enables you to see it.

Here, then, we have a way forward.We should not try to 'look into the sun', as it were, demanding irrefutable proofs for God. Instead we should 'look at what the sun shows us'.Which account of the world has the most 'explanatory power' to make sense of what we see in the world and in ourselves? We have a sense that we are very flawed and yet very great. We have a longing for love and beauty that nothing in this world can fulfil. We have a deep need to know meaning and purpose. Which worldview best accounts for these things?

Christians do not claim that their faith gives them omnisience or absolute knowledge of reality. Only God has that. But they believe that the Christian account of things - creation, fall, redemption and restoration - makes the most sense of the world. I ask you to put on Christianity like a pair of spectacles ad look at the world with it. See what power it has to explain what we know and see.

If the God of the Bible exists, he is not the Shakespeare that Hamlet is looking in the attic of his castle, but the Playwright who relates to us (characters) in a play. That means we won't be able to find him like we would a passive object with the powers of empirical investigation. Rather, we must find clues to his reality that he has written into the universe, including into us. That is why, if God exists, we would expect to find that he appeals to our rational faculties. If we were 'made in his image' as rational, personal beings, there should be some resonance between his mind and ours. It also means that reason alone won't be enough. The Playwright can only be known through personal revelation. That is why we have to take a look at what the Bible says about God and the human condition.

In the Christian view, however, the ultimate evidence for the existence of God is Jesus Christ himself. If there is a God, we characters in his play have to hope that he put some information about himself in the play. But Christians believe he did more than give us information. He wrote himself into the play as the main character in history, when Jesus was born in a manger and rose from the dead. He is the one with whom we have to do.

- pg 122 - 123

Masks

2011-05-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

Strangers, again

2011-04-27T19:13:00.003+08:00

Crucifixion & Resurrection of Jesus Christ

2011-04-24T10:10:00.001+08:00

The Star Polisher poem by Leah Becks

2011-04-16T16:58:00.000+08:00

I have a great job in the universe of occupations. What do I do? I'm a "star polisher."

It's a very important job. If you want to know how important,
just go out at night and look at the stars twinkling and sparkling.

You see, I'm a teacher.
The stars are the children in my class.
My job is to take them in - in whatever shape they come -
and shine and buff them and then send them out to take their places
as bright little twinkling beacons in the sky.

They come into my room in all shapes and sizes.
Sometimes they're bent, tarnished, dirty, crinkly and broken.
Some stars are cuddly, soft and sweet.
Some stars are prickly and thorny.

As I buff, polish, train and teach my little stars,
I tell them that the world cannot do without them.
I tell them they can do anything they set their minds to do.
I tell them they can be the brightest, shiniest stars in the sky
and the world will be a better place because of them.

Each night as I look at the sky, I'm reminded of my
very important job and awesome responsibility.
I go and get my soft buffing cloth
and my bottle of polish in preparation for tomorrow
and for my class of little stars.

Poem by Leyana

2010-12-31T21:37:00.000+08:00

More Than Just a Friend

You are my friend
One I've known all my life
You were there in all my times of need
When I needed a shoulder to borrow
You were there when I got picked for the team
To celebrate and eat ice cream

But lately the line between friendship and romance is a blur
I've tried adjusting the lens
Trying to get it to focus
Needing to see the line
Needing to see where I stand

But I'm afraid I already know where I am
Way off in romance land
Cause every time you smile
The butterflies start acting up
When you put your arms around me
My heart starts to thump

I know you think of me as only a friend
I don't want to ruin our friendship
I don't want to cause that awkward moment
So I will try and hold back my feelings for you
Hoping they'll pass

軌跡 Tracks

2010-10-11T08:08:00.002+08:00

軌跡 Tracks

曲: 周杰倫
Music: Jay Chou
詞：黃俊郎
Lyrics: Huang Jun Lang

Verse 1
怎麼隱藏我的悲傷
How to hide my sadness

失去妳的地方
The place where I lost you

妳的髮香散的匆忙
The fragrance of your hair scatters hastily

我已經跟不上
I'm unable to catch up

Verse 2
閉上眼睛還能看見
With my eyes closed, I can still see

妳離去的痕跡
The traces of your departure

在月光下一直找尋
I keep searching under the moonlight

那想念的身影
For that silhouette that I’m thinking of

*如果說分手是苦痛的起點
If breaking up can be said to be the starting point of pain

那在終點之前我願意再愛一遍
Then before the final destination point, I’m willing to love once again

想要對妳說的不敢說的愛
I want to tell you, the love that I dare not express

會不會有人可以明白
Will anyone be able to understand

Chorus
我會發著呆然後忘記妳
I will be staring off into space, then I will forget you

接著緊緊閉上眼
And then tightly close my eyes

想著那一天會有人代替
Thinking about that day, when there will be someone who’ll take your place

讓我不再想念妳
So that I will not think about you anymore

我會發著呆然後微微笑
I will be staring off into space, then I will break into a smile

接著緊緊閉上眼
And then tightly close my eyes

又想了一遍妳溫柔的臉
Thinking once again, your tender face

在我忘記之前
Before I forget

心裡的眼淚模糊了視線
The tears in my heart, have blurred my vision

妳已快看不見
I'm starting to lose sight of you

"My NS Experience" essay (repost)

2010-08-13T21:17:00.002+08:00

Recently (Oct 2009) i was tasked (or 'arrowed' in army jargon) to submit an entry for an essay-writing competition. It's entitled My NS Experience. i thought it'd be good to share it here.

"National Service (NS) does indeed change a young man's character, for better or for worse." This remark came from my mentor recently. How true! To set it in context, we were having a casual discussion on the various differing personalities of NS Full-time servicemen (NSFs) and how they would spend their two years (or less) in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF). We figured out NSFs range between two extremes. On one end stands a young man, in his Full Battle Order (FBO), who fully understands the need for NS and fulfils his purpose as a ‘Son of Singapore’, usually transitioning into his NSman (or re-service) liabilities with the rank of Full Lieutenant (LTA) or Second Sergeant (2SG) on his Operational Ready Date (ORD). On the other end sits a young man, in front of a computer screen wearing his No. 3 uniform, who totally misses the rationale behind NS and pursues his goal of ‘serving the nation for two years and no more’, typically avoiding his NSman liabilities altogether with the rank of Private (PTE) or Lance Corporal (LCP) on his Run Out Date (ROD).

Personally, my perspective of NS before I enlisted was not the same as that well after I have enlisted. It has, in fact, constantly changed through the different phases of my army life – namely Basic Military Training (BMT) at Basic Military Training Centre (BMTC) on Pulau Tekong, Basic Section Leader Course (BSLC) and Advanced Section Leader Course (ASLC) at School of Infantry Specialists (SISPEC), and now as a BMT Commander back on Pulau Tekong. Prior to enlistment, although I was uncertain about NS, I gave an overestimation of my abilities to adapt and cope with a regimented lifestyle. Just a few days after I waved my parents farewell at the Tekong Ferry Terminal on 11 January 2008, I began to stumble in my efforts to adapt to the new life.

During my BMT, I had a difficult time adjusting to regimentation. I looked out for no one except myself, seeking to meet my own needs all the time. I was a terrible recruit in Jaguar Company, but I was given the chance to become a commander nevertheless. Shortly after graduating from my BMT, the Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) allowed me to return to school so that I could study and re-take my General Certificate of Education Advanced (GCE A) Level examination, thereby disrupting my NS for 9 months.

On 22 December 2008, I re-enlisted and was posted to SISPEC to continue my next phase of military training. So, I joined the 50th BSLC instead of the 47th BSLC if I had not disrupted my NS. Of course, it was an honour to be part of the pioneer batch of SISPEC trainees receiving the newly created Specialist Cadet (SCT) rank on 23 December 2008. I was posted to Golf Company where I started to acquire the mindset of a Specialist-in-training. Initially, although I had completed my BMT, it was as if I were starting to adapt to army life all over again because I had gone back to a non-regimental civilian lifestyle for more than half a year. Thank God I managed to pick up my physical fitness quite quickly and re-adjusted to a regimental military lifestyle with the help of my commanders and platoon mates.
I can still remember the words of the Officer Commanding (OC) during one of the Team Building Team Learning (TBTL) sessions. Master Warrant Officer (MWO) Teo See Keong said, “Leaders make sacrifices.” That simple statement shed some light onto the path of my learning journey of becoming a commander. Indeed, I learnt that sacrifices are necessary for a leader. When I was holding the appointments of Leader Platoon Sergeant (LPS) and Leader Sergeant Major (LSM), I had to sacrifice some sleep by waking up earlier so that I could hurry my fellow cadets to fall in for our daily morning five basic exercises (5BX) and hitting the haystack later due to receiving orders from above. Even then, before becoming a Specialist, I already felt immense pride reciting the Specialist’s Creed every morning.

On 17 February 2009, I continued my journey towards becoming a Section Commander as I joined the 50th ASLC in Charlie Company. It turned out to be the most memorable phase of my army life, perhaps because it was the longest period of time which I spent with a group of army buddies (BMT – 8 weeks, BSLC – 8 weeks, ASLC – 14 weeks!), and we even spent 3 weeks in a foreign country which is dubbed as the Land of a Thousand Smiles. 25 February 2009 was another day to remember for it was the day of our beret presentation. Till today, the label with my name and 4-digit reference number is still on the inside of my green headdress. It is merely a piece of masking tape with the words ‘Gland Liang’ and the number ‘C2202’ but it brings back so much nostalgia of the good old days of my trainee life. I closed my ASLC journal with a two-line summary: I had the hardest times of my life during ASLC, but I also had the hardest laughs of my life during ASLC.

After passing out from SISPEC with my new rank of Third Sergeant (3SG), I have been posted back to BMTC on Pulau Tekong but as a commander now, I had never found the island of Tekong so beautiful before during my recruit days. It has been a very pleasant working experience here at Orion Company and I am truly enjoying my NS now. My first batch of recruits haa just graduated as Privates nearly three weeks ago and they have reported to their new units this week. I must say I miss them because they were my first batch and I had put my heart and soul into training them. They were more than just recruits to me. in fact, they were like how Colonel (COL) Chan Wei Gan, Commander of BMTC, urged us to treat them – brothers. I may have had been a lacklustre recruit/trainee, but I aspire to be a good Specialist. I will keep aflame the fire of my passion and enthusiasm towards subsequent batches of recruits throughout the rest of my NS. When I have finished serving my NSF liabilities on 8 August 2010, may my mentor say that NS has indeed changed my character, for the better.

- 3SG Glen A. Liang, Orion Company, BMTC School 2, 24 September 2009

God's message for my 22nd birthday: Wait

2010-07-18T16:27:00.004+08:00

i believe God is telling me something on my birthday weekend, through the birthday card that Godpa Neale got me as well as through the song i found while surfing on Youtube, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller.

"Waiting for God's best can be very hard at times.

Remember, His best is the best.

It really is worth waiting for.

About this card design: I can testify to the futility of trying to get God to speed things up in my life.

I finally learned to put my 'wait' on His shoulder when it came to finding a wife, settling in on a career, having a ministry, owning a home.
When it comes to giving us His best, He is simply never in a hurry.

There's a wonderful by-product that He gives when we're willing to wait: contentment.

(And His best never comes without it!)"

- Matthew B. Anderson

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

"Waiting for God is not laziness.
Waiting for God is not going to sleep.
Waiting for God is not the abandonment of effort.
Waiting for God means, first, activity under command;
second, readiness for any new command that may come;
third, the ability to do nothing until the command is given."

- G. Campbell Morgan

My email exchanges with Creation Ministries International

2010-07-02T14:21:00.006+08:00

This is what i said in my email to Creation Ministries International:

A friend of mine said to me this on Facebook: "Creationism is not science. You can look up thousands of scientific journals, there's none about creation science. Creationism is a religious belief, not science. So I guess we're talking about different things here. I'm talking about science, you're talking about Christianity.

Just one caveat, if you start challenging scientific theories with religious teachings, you risk being as ridiculous as Pope Pius when he disagreed with Galileo's heliocentric view. And I'm not 'sure' about evolution. I'm no scientist, so my view doesn't matter. I merely agree with scientists on scientific matters, just like I agree with Mourinho on football or Jon Favreau on speech writing."

Please help me answer his challenges. Thanks.

This is their reply:

Creation at its core is not about scientific claims, but historical ones. While refuting the scientific claims of evolutionists is an important part of what we do, this in and of itself does not disprove evolution, because theoretically there could be some mechanism we haven’t discovered yet. So our rejection of evolution does not have to do with the scientific evidence per se, but our acceptance of the truth of the Bible’s historical account of the creation of the world by God in 6 literal days.

While some areas of the creation/evolution debate are carried out in the scientific arena, like whether or not there is a plausible mechanism that would bring about the conditions required for naturalistic evolution, the most vital questions are in the historical arena, because we’re not debating things that we can test in a lab, but one-time events. As N.T. Wright points out in Surprised by Hope,

“There are, after all, different types of knowing. Science studies the repeatable; history studies the unrepeatable. Caesar only crossed the Rubicon once, and if he'd crossed it again it would have meant something different the second time. There was, and could be, only one first landing on the moon. The fall of the second Jerusalem Temple took place in A.D. 70 and never happened again. Historians don't see this as a problem and are usually not shy about declaring that these events certainly took place, even though we can't repeat them in a laboratory.

“But when people say, "But that can't have happened because we know that that sort of thing doesn't actually happen," they are appealing to a would-be scientific principle of history, namely, the principle of analogy. The problem with analogy is that it never quite gets you far enough. History is full of unlikely things that happened once and once only, with the result that the analogies are often at best partial. In any case, if someone declares that certain kinds of events "don't normally happen" that merely invites the retort, "Who says?" ...

“So how does the historian work when the evidence points toward things that we do not normally expect? …Sooner or later questions of worldview begin to loom in the background, and the question of what kinds of material the historian will allow onstage is inevitably affected by the worldview in which he or she lives.”

We’ve got a lot of articles on the Galileo myth (for instance http://creation.com/galileo-quadricentennial); Galileo didn’t get in trouble for promoting heliocentrism, but for promoting what was then just a pretty good hypothesis as if it already were a proven fact, and his arrogance. In fact, it was the Aristotelian establishment in the universities, not the Church, who was the first to attack him. The Church initially supported him!

Which scientists does he agree with, though? Evolutionist scientists agree that evolution happened, but it’s hard to get them to agree exactly how that happened! And then there are scientists who believe that the evidence in their specialty supports not evolution but some form of Intelligent Design or creationism (although not all of those scientists would agree with biblical creation). CMI employs more scientists than any other Christian organization to the best of my knowledge, and they all believe that the evidence from their specialties fits better with biblical creation than with evolution.

Me:

Here's what my friend replied me:

"Haha, first of all, my sincere respect to you for taking what I thought as a casual discussion seriously.
I suppose you want me to counter their arguments, so here it is:

One of the first things I noticed is that they (CMI) seem to indicate that scientists are not evolutionists. This is very skewed. You can ask, google around or approach jc/univ biology/paleontology teachers/professors, find out how many of them are evolutionists.

Just to give you a perspective, in the scientific community, the theory of evolution is almost as solid as the theory of gravity. As I said, scientific journals are filled with articles about evolution. All scientists are evolutionists, except the cuckoo ones.I wrote a paper about (social) evolution last year, so I read quite a lot of them for my literature review. All the published articles agreed with evolution.

Having said that, it's interesting that they say creation happened like a historical event and, hence, unprovable/irrefutable. This clearly indicates that it is not science as one of the main principles of science is falsifiability. If there is no way that the "theory" can be falsified, it is no science. Example: the theory of gravity is falsified if it is proven that there is no gravity force between two masses. But since there is no such proof to date, we can assume that that theory is valid.

The theory of evolution is the best scientific explanation we have today regarding the variety of species on Earth, at least untill we find a theory that better explains the matter at hand and/or falsifies evolution.

I think I have answered to all of their arguments. Otherwise, please do point them to me. And for you, try think for yourself. Don't always believe what is said/written in a (holy) book or preached by a charming figure. Imagine all possibilities. Is there any slightest chance that you're mistaken about something? Open your mind. Ask questions, accept no simple answers. Life is much more beautiful if you understand its mechanism. (;"

i know i should be rebutting him myself but i lack the necessary adequate knowledge to do so. but one day i pray i God will equip me with the knowledge to enlighten the unreached! for now, pls advise me what i should reply to him. seems like i'm stumped!

Creation Ministries International:

I’ll reply to your friend’s assertions one-by-one.

> One of the first things I noticed is that they (CMI) seem to indicate that scientists are not evolutionists. This is very skewed. You can ask, google around or approach jc/univ biology/paleontology teachers/professors, find out how many of them are evolutionists.

Not all scientists are evolutionists. We don’t dispute that creationists are a minority. But creationist scientists have made important contributions to their individual fields. And heliocentrism and evolutionism were once minority positions, as was relativity; simply constituting a minority doesn’t make a view automatically wrong.ot all scientists are evolutionists. We don’t dispute that creationists are a minority. But creationist scientists have made important contributions to their individual fields. And heliocentrism and evolutionism were once minority positions, as was relativity; simply constituting a minority doesn’t make a view automatically wrong.

> Just to give you a perspective, in the scientific community, the theory of evolution is almost as solid as the theory of gravity. As I said, scientific journals are filled with articles about evolution. All scientists are evolutionists, except the cuckoo ones.

Gravity is testable. You can drop a ball, walk off a cliff, throw a computer out the window to observe the effects of gravity. You can repeat tests over and over in different conditions to see what happens. But you can’t perform the same tests with evolution; you can’t see life coming from non-living chemicals by chance. Indeed, the scientifically testable principle that I learned in biology class is that life comes from life, that is, if you see a living creature, it’s safe to assume that it came from a living creature of the same sort, which itself came from another living creature of the same sort, and so on and so forth. But they make an exception for the first life, which they argue came from non-living goo.

Also, part of the “life comes from life” rule is that the offspring will be the same sort of creature as the mother; rats from rats, bats from bats. But evolutionists have to assume that somewhere along the line, for example, a rat (or something so like it that that’s what a layperson would call it) gave birth to something that wasn’t quite a rat, even though it was separated from its family by only a membrane of skin. This was somehow advantageous to it, and somewhere down the line its descendants gave birth to something a little less like a rat. Somewhere along the line the front paws became neither paws nor wings, but something in between that was neither particularly good at walking or flying, but somehow an ancient predator didn’t leap at this easy dinner, and eventually, slowly, over millions of years, this crippled lineage turned into full bats.

As Chesterton argued, a divine providence watching over the creature is more plausible than a run of luck like that. Your friend might reply that this is a ridiculous simplification, and that in fact bat evolution is nothing like that. Okay then, have him give a more plausible account of an evolution of flight in a creature that couldn’t always fly that doesn’t result in a crippled intermediate. And ask him to explain why the “earliest” bat fossils are fully developed fliers with echolocation.

> Having said that, it's interesting that they say creation happened like a historical event and, hence, unprovable/irrefutable. This clearly indicates that it is not science as one of the main principles of science is falsifiability. If there is no way that the "theory" can be falsified, it is no science. Example: the theory of gravity is falsified if it is proven that there is no gravity force between two masses. But since there is no such proof to date, we can assume that that theory is valid.

Creation didn’t happen “like” a historical event, creation is a historical event. If evolution happened, it would be a historical event as well. If life arose from non-living chemicals, it would have only done so once, and had it arisen multiple times, it would have meant something different every time. In that sense, what we are discussing is a historical question, not a scientific one, and so science is limited in what it can tell us about those historical events, although no creationist would say that science tells us nothing about historical events.

> The theory of evolution is the best scientific explanation we have today regarding the variety of species on Earth, at least untill we find a theory that better explains the matter at hand and/or falsifies evolution.

The theory of evolution cannot explain the origin of first life, because evolution assumes a reproducing organism to start with. Your friend will say that the question of abiogenesis is a completely separate issue. It’s not—many specialists call it “chemical evolution”, but even if we give him that, evolution cannot account for the genetic information needed to turn the descendents of the first microbe into life forms as diverse as corn, fruit flies, and people.

Your friend argues that you should ‘think for yourself’. You believe what is written in the Bible and is preached by your pastor. Your friend believes what is written in his science textbook and is preached by the likes of Dawkins. Is there the slightest chance he is mistaken about evolution? He should open his mind and not accept simple evolutionary answers.

20 June 2005

2010-06-20T08:10:00.006+08:00

5 years ago today was the first time i met her, at Changi Airport.

This song comes to mind - If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know life so far away
But I know that it's just a trip
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I've built my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

My love-hate relationship with National Service

2010-06-09T20:21:00.000+08:00

In my life, there are two groups of people: those who misunderstand me due to some of my actions and those who choose to be understanding towards me despite those same actions.
i thank God for both.
The first group tells me that Jesus was treated the same way and the second group tells me that is how Jesus treats others.
One day i will be able to choose to love the second group of people with God's help.

To sum up my love-hate relationship with National Service: i love it enough to survive through it, and i hate it enough to prevent myself from signing on.

A Biblical response to bad times

2010-05-17T13:10:00.001+08:00

Though the cherry trees don't blossom and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty,

I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Saviour God.

Counting on God's Rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer. I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

- Habakkuk 3:17-19, The Message

Psalm of the week

2010-05-15T19:45:00.007+08:00

Psalm 139
For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 O Lord, You have examined my heart
and know everything about me.

2 You know when I sit down or stand up.

3 You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.You know everything I do.

4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.

5 You go before me and follow me.
You place Your hand of blessing on my head.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from Your Spirit!
I can never get away from Your presence!

8 If I go up to heaven, You are there;
if I go down to the grave, You are there.

9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

10 even there Your hand will guide me,
and Your strength will support me.

11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night -

12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from You.
To You the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to You.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvellous - how well I know it.

15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in Your book.
Every moment was laid outbefore a single day had passed.

17 How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!

18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up, You are still with me!

19 O God, if only You would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!

20 They blaspheme You;
Your enemies misuse Your name.

21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate You?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose You?

22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for Your enemies are my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 Point out anything in me that offends You,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

A Christian's Possessions

2010-04-21T16:10:00.000+08:00

A tax officer came one day to a poor Christian to determine the amount of taxes he would have to pay.

"What property do you possess?" asked the assessor.

"I am a very wealthy man," replied the Christian.

"List your possessions, please," the assessor instructed.

The Christian said:
"First, I have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
Second, I have a mansion in Heaven. (John 14:2)
Third, I have a perfect conscience & peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)
Fourth, I have joy unspeakable. (1 Peter 1:8)
Fifth, I have divine love which never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8)
Sixth, I have a faithful wife. (Proverbs 31:10)
Seventh, I have healthy, happy obedient children. (Exodus 20:12)
Eighth, I have true, loyal friends. (Proverbs 18:24)
Ninth, I have songs in the night. (Psalms 42:8)
Tenth, I have a crown of life. (James 1:12)"

The tax assessor closed his book, and said, "Truly you are a very rich man, but your property is not subject to taxation."

I pray that all of us will have this kind of tax-free "wealth."

- Anonymous

The Balance Sheet of Life

2010-04-19T05:20:00.001+08:00

Our BIRTH is our OPENING BALANCE
Our DEATH is our CLOSING BALANCE
Our PREJUDICED VIEWS are our LIABILITIES
Our CREATIVE IDEAS are our ASSETS
Our HEART is our CURRENT ASSET
Our SOUL is our FIXED ASSET
Our BRAIN is our FIXED DEPOSIT
Our THINKING is our CURRENT ACCOUNT
Our ACHIEVEMENTS are our CAPITAL
Our CHARACTER & MORALS are our STOCK-IN-TRADING
Our FRIENDS are our GENERAL RESERVES
Our VALUES & BEHAVIOURS are our GOODWILL
Our PATIENCE is our INTEREST EARNED
- Anonymous

Dear God, a poem for You

2010-04-17T19:46:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

I'm writing to say I'm sorry
For being angry yesterday,
When you seemed to ignore my prayer
And things didn't go my way.

First, my car broke down.
I was very late for work,
But I missed that awful accident.
Was that Your handiwork?

I found a house I loved,
But others got there first.
I was angry, then relieved
When I heard the pipes had burst!

Yesterday, I found the perfect sweater,
But the colour was too pale.
Today, I found the sweater in red.
Would you believe, it was on sale!

I know You're watching over me
And I'm feeling truly blessed,
For no matter what I pray for,
You always know what's best!

I have this circle of E-mail friends
Who mean the world to me.
Somedays I "send" and "send",
At other times, I let them be.

I am so blessed to have these friends
With whom I've grown so close.
So this little poem I dedicate to them,
Because to me they are the "most"!

When I see each name download,
And view the message they've sent,
I know they've thought of me that day,
And "well wishes" were their intent.

So to you, my friends, I would like to say
Thank you for being a part
Of all my daily contacts.
This comes right from my heart.

God bless you all is my prayer today,
I'm honoured to call you "friend".
I pray the Lord will keep you safe,
Until I email you again.

- Anonymous

When I say I am a Christian

2010-04-16T08:59:00.000+08:00

When I say "I am a Christian", I am not shouting that "I'm clean!"
I'm whispering, "I was lost but now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say I am a Christian, I do not speak of this with pride,
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say I am a Christian, I'm not trying to be strong,
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say I am a Christian, I'm not bragging of success,
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say I am a Christian, I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say I am a Christian, I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say I am a Christian, I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

- Anonymous

If God Is Sovereign, Why Pray?

2010-04-13T18:07:00.002+08:00

We are responsible for our lives. That is stewardship. But God is sovereign. How is that possible? How can we be responsible for that over which God is sovereign?

When a large business deal I had worked on for six months looked like it wasn't going to close, I asked my wife and son to pray about it with me.

When it was my turn to pray I basically begged God to let the deal go through, then concluded, "God, you already know what's going to happen. In fact, you have sovereignly decided what is the pleasure of your will. Give us wisdom not to miss the way."

When I finished, my son asked, "Dad, if God has already decided what's going to happen, why pray?" Good question.

God is sovereign but we are also responsible. The Scriptures lay down these two ideas side-by-side, without apology, and without much explanation. In fact, we see this principle throughout the Bible. Here are a few examples. You probably know of others.

"In his heart a man plans his course (our responsibility), but the Lord determines his steps (God's sovereignty)" (Proverbs 16:9).

"The horse is made ready for the day of battle (our responsibility), but victory rests with the Lord (God's sovereignty)" (Proverbs 21:31).

"Unless the Lord builds the house (God's sovereignty), its builders labor (our responsibility) in vain" (Psalm 127:1).

David wrote, "I do not trust in my bow, my sword does not bring me victory; but you give us victory over our enemies" (Psalm 44:6). David didn't trust in his bow, but in God. But neither did he throw his bow away! He used it with all the skill he could muster.

Paul writes, "To this end I labor (our responsibility), struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me (God's sovereignty)" (Colossians 1:29).

Paul wrote, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it (our responsibility), but God made it grow (God's sovereignty)" (1 Corinthians 3:6).

On top of all this, God invites, even instructs, us to "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests" (Ephesians 6:18).

This idea that "God is sovereign but we are responsible" lies at the heart of stewardship. At its core, stewardship means receiving all our abilities, resources, love, relationships, spiritual gifts, possessions, and places as "gifts on loan" from a sovereign God. It means to keep an attitude of accountable responsibility tempered by profound gratitude.

Frankly, why would we want to pray to God for help unless He is sovereign? Because He is sovereign, it actually means something when we pray.

Yours for changed lives,
Patrick Morley, PhD

National Atheists' Day

2010-04-02T00:13:00.004+08:00

i got this from the web:

Driving around town I often slow down so I can read church signs. Some of them are just plain, just giving the schedule of services and the name of the preacher, but some of them having wise and witty sayings. On one of them is this sentence, "April the 1st - National Atheists' Day".

I think that all of us are aware of what April 1st is in our country. It is called "April Fools' Day." It is where people "fool you" about something and then yell, "April Fool!" How many of us have not been tricked this way with a "Your shoes are untied" or other such funny tricks? Most of it is done in good humour.

The Bible tells us that we should be careful about calling another person a fool (Matthew 5:22). While the text in Matthew seems to deal with being angry with a brother and not a harmless joke like April Fools' Day, it is true that we should be careful about attributing to another the descriptive term "fool".

But what better day could one pick for National Atheists' Day than April the 1st, April Fools' Day? The Bible makes this clear. "The fool hath said in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good" (Psalm 14:1). The Bible says that anyone who denies God is a fool!

Why is the person who denies God a fool? The Bible clearly tells us so in Romans 1:18-22:

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools."

While this refers specifically to the Gentiles of Paul's day who had departed from God and had worshipped idols instead of the living God, it clearly fits our present day atheists as well. Paul says that there is no excuse for not believing in a personal God who created the universe. God has simply left too many "hand prints" all over His creation for man to not be able to see Him.

One need only look at the world and everything in it to see that there must be a God. Paul says that there is simply no excuse for a person denying the existence of an intelligent creator. He concludes by stating the obvious concerning all the great thinkers who deny the existence of God, "professing to be wise, they became fools."

Come to think of it, April the 1st might be the perfect day to celebrate "National Atheists' Day." Nothing in life is more foolish than denying the existence of God, since He has left indisputable proof!

Copyright 2000 by Grady Scott may be reproduced for non-commercial purposes at no cost to others

http://associate.com/library/www.christianlibrary.org/authors/Grady_Scott/atheistday.htm

Florida court sets a holiday for atheists - April Fools' Day!

2010-04-01T03:46:00.001+08:00

In Florida, an atheist filed a case against the holidays of Easter and Passover. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and their observances of these holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognised day(s).

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood up and objected to the ruling saying, "Your Honour, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, Good Friday, etc. and the Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all the other atheists have no such holidays!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But they do. Your client, Counsel, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said, "Your Honour, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says the 1st day of April is April Fools' Day. Psalm 14:1 states, "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'" Thus, it is the opinion of this court that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."

Happy Atheists' Day!

Suffering for Doing Good

2010-03-27T07:24:00.004+08:00

Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good?
But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it.
So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats.
Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life.
And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.
But do this in a gentle and respectful way.
Keep your conscience clear.
Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ.
Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong!

- 1 Peter 3:13-17, NLT

But how do i know whether what i'm going through now is indeed God's will?
What if it isn't? Am i still better off suffering for doing good?

Pertinent Bible verses

2010-03-06T23:41:00.004+08:00

The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands He has rewarded me.

For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I have not done evil by turning from my God.

All His laws are before me;
I have not turned away from His decrees.

I have been blameless before Him
and have kept myself from sin.

The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in His sight.

You armed me with strength for battle;
You made my adversaries bow at my feet.

You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.

They cried for help, but there was no one to save them -
to the LORD, but He did not answer.

I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind;
I poured them out like mud in the streets.

You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
You have made me the head of nations;
people I did not know are subject to me.

As soon as they hear me, they obey me;
foreigners cringe before me.

They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.

The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Saviour!

He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,

who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from violent men You rescued me.

Therefore I will praise You among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to Your name.

- Psalm 18: 20-24, 39-49

God speaks to me in many more verses

2010-02-24T13:17:00.000+08:00

I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts - men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords.
- Psalm 57:4

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
Then my head will be exalted above my enemies who surround me.
Teach me Your way O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desires of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.
- Psalm 27: 1-2, 6a, 11-12

If God is for us, who can be against us?
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
- Romans 8: 31b, 33

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
- John 15: 18-19

God speaks to me in 3 verses

2010-02-23T22:27:00.003+08:00

i believe God is speaking to me through these 3 verses of His Word:

Am I trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
- Galatians 1:10

Faith by itself, if it not accompanied by action, is dead.
- James 2:17

You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.
- James 2:24

Happy Valentine's Day to all God's children!

2010-02-14T00:21:00.002+08:00

Father's Love Letter

an intimate message from God to you:

My Child,

You may not know Me,

but I know everything about you.

Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.

Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.

Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in My image.
Genesis 1:27

In Me you live and move and have your being.

Acts 17:28

For you are My offspring.

Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.

Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.

Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,

for all your days are written in My book.

Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.

Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented

by those who don't know Me.

John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,

but am the complete expression of love.

1 John 4:16

And it is My desire to lavish My love on you.

1 John 3:1

Simply because you are My child

and I am your Father.

1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.

Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.

Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from My hand.

James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.

Jeremiah 32:40

For you are My treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you

with all My heart and all My soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek Me with all your heart,
you will find Me.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in Me and I will give you

the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you

than you could possibly imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you

in all your troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.

Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,

I have carried you close to My heart.

Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away

every tear from your eyes.

Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain

you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you

even as I love My son, Jesus.

John 17:23

For in Jesus, My love for you is revealed.

John 17:26

He is the exact representation of My being.

Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.

Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression

of My love for you.

1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved

that I might gain your love.

Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of My son Jesus,

you receive Me.

1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you

from My love again.

Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party

heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,

and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is …

Will you be My child?

John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.

Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

The X-Structure & Laminin

2010-01-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

Watched Louie Giglio on his Passion Talk DVD series (Indescribable and How Great is our God) recently with Godpa Neale.
Learnt about the X-structure whirpool galaxy as well as the cell-adhesion molecule called laminin.

The God i worship is awesome!

"When I Come To Heaven" poem by Elizabeth Andrews

2010-01-20T20:20:00.002+08:00

When I come to heaven Lord, what shall I bring?
My golden necklace, and my diamond ring?
I have some great treasures of jade, ivory, and bone,
And aren't we judged Lord, by what we own?
My important position I've climbed up so high,
There just isn't anything my money won't buy.
So tell me again Lord, just what are Your needs?
I've helped You a lot, by doing good deeds.

You've got it all wrong, My child, My dear,
All that I've wanted is having you near.
While storing your treasures, there's much you forgot.
My love and forgiveness can never be bought.
I offer it freely, just ask and receive.
But you never listened, you didn't believe.
Your works and possessions are just filthy rags.
So if you're coming to heaven, unpack your bags.
Just come as you are, it's you that I love.
The price has been paid, by the one up above.

- Elizabeth Andrews

Job 2:10b

2010-01-19T18:22:00.002+08:00

Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity? (NASB)

We take the good days from God — why not also the bad days? (MSG)

Shall we accept only good at the hand of God and shall we not accept also misfortune and what is of a bad nature? (AMP)

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad? (NLT)

Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil? (ESV)

7 Reasons why Albert Lewis became a rabbi

2010-01-12T22:38:00.001+08:00

It is summer and we are sitting in his office. I ask him why he thinks he became a rabbi.
He counts his fingers.
"Number one, I always liked people.
"Number two, I love gentleness.
"Number three, I have patience.
"Number four, I love teaching.
"Number five, I am determined in my faith.
"Number six, it connects me to my past.
"Number seven - and lastly - it allows me to fulfill the message of our tradition: to live good, and to be blessed."
I didn't hear God in there.
He smiles.
"God was there before number one."

- Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith

Twenty-O-Nine - A year of God's grace in my life

2009-12-31T14:02:00.003+08:00

i can't believe it's the last day of the year today. i'm feeling pretty nostalgic about it, 'cause it's been a great year for me. As i look back these 12 months, i'm filled with a sense of gratitude, 'cause 2009 has been a year of God's grace to me. In other words, it's like a honeymoon year for me.

In a way, the year started in December 2008 - on the 22nd to be exact - when i continued serving my National Service (NS) after repeating my A level exams back in SAJC (by God's grace). Reported at School of Infantry Specialists (SISPEC) where sergeants are moulded. Life was pretty tough, but by God's grace it was only for the next 5 months.

Went through the 50th Basic Section Leaders' Course (BSLC) for 2 months and subsequently the 50th Advanced Section Leaders' Course (ASLC) for 3 months. Enjoyed the camaraderie of many buddies in SISPEC. The best 3 days of my army life were spent in Kanchanburi, Western Thailand where 6 of my ASLC bunk/section mates and i were doing our navigation exercise with the help of a 'seasoned' Thai liaison soldier.

Undeservingly by God's grace, i passed out from SISPEC as a Third Sergeant and got posted to BMTC, Pulau Tekong as an instructor - which i later realised was a dream vocation. Haha. Life back on the island is different now that i'm not a recruit being trained but someone training recruits. It's really by God's grace that i get to enjoy my army life this way. One thing i'm grateful for is that i get to cycle around the camp or even the island, as if i'm patrolling the camp - in the words of Weiwen and other former recruits who saw me cycling around the camp. i also get to swim and suntan in the Olympic-sized swimming pool which is only about 100 metres away from the sea. Life as an instructor has been very fulfilling and rewarding. i've learnt alot about myself as well as from the recruits. It's an honour to be one of the first few people whom these recruits meet in the army.

Apart from the beauty of this last paradise on earth and the enriching experience of an instructor's life, by God's grace He has blessed me with fantastic colleagues and superiors who have been super kind to me. Thanks to my superiors approving my long overseas leave and my colleagues covering my duties when i was away, i was able to spend the last 2 days of November and first 9 days of December in Northern Thailand on a short missionary trip. It's indeed a miracle that i could go back to the Land of a Thousand Smiles this year. i've been on the trip 5 times and each time was a different experience. i remember the first time i went i had a slight sense that God might call me into the mission field on a long-term basis in the future, but i was pretty uncertain about that calling. After this year's trip, i believe God has revealed more about this calling.

If i were to become a long-term missionary, what would i do? i see myself teaching in a village - maybe teaching the English or Chinese language. i could do some translating as well. This would of course mean a lot of equipping has to be done first! i read somewhere about a time lag between God's calling of a person and His sending of that person into the missions field. The length of this time lag depends on how much time God takes to equip this particular person before sending him out to the field.

i had previously wanted to follow the footsteps of Zhengqin and my sister - enter the National University of Singapore (NUS), study psychology (or sociology) and then go on from there but i think God wants me to go straight into the National Institute of Education (NIE) and then graduate as a teacher. Many people have encouraged me to become a teacher as they think i can make a good one. This isn't exactly what i wanted.

What i had in mind was to get into either NUS or the Singapore Management University (SMU) 'cause it's geographically less inaccessible than NIE which is in the Nanyang Technological University (NTU). i have cycled to NUS before (to visit my sister) but NTU is so much more remote, and i don't quite like the idea of going to that part of Singapore 'cause it's near Pasir Laba Camp where i underwent training as a Specialist Cadet (SCT) in SISPEC. But i guess it's all about God's will, not mine. If it's truly God's will for me to take the NIE path, then i'll have to obey, 'cause i know God knows what's best for me and i want nothing less than His best for me. Right now i just have to continue seeking Him to confirm that i'll be remaining at the centre of His will in my life after serving my NS.

Alright back to reminiscing about 2009. The next highlight after the missions trip was the Teens and Youth camp in church! Again, by God's grace my superiors approved my leave so that i could attend the camp. i was a group leader and Zhengqin was my facilitator. It was a great experience to see God move in our midst throughout the camp, especially during the worship sessions. i enjoyed myself while playing drums, projecting slides, leading discussions, playing games, performing in the skit as well as taking photos!

Now, i shall look back to my new year's resolution for 2009 which i included in my blog at the start of the year here. Looking back, i'm ashamed to say that for most of the resolutions, it's been an inward plateau in terms of my spiritual progress. i shall continue to use these past year resolutions for 2010. My church has declared 2010 as the Year of Evangelism and i'm inspired to reach out to my pre-believing friends (including my dad) as i have started in recent weeks. i may be facing strong resistance from the enemy (as i have in terms of responses to my outreach efforts) but i will stand firm and not let anything move me. i will always give myself fully to the work of the Lord, because i know that my labour in the Lord is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).

It's gonna be an exciting year ahead!

A simple life

2009-12-25T18:20:00.002+08:00

Read an email forwarded by Uncle David Wong:

A boat is docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village. A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives.

In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one
and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man,
you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the tourist.

"And after that?"

"Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing.
"When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

“That’s what we are doing now!” replied the fishermen.

And the moral of this story is: Know where you're going in life. You may already be there!

My last 3 days of September on Pulau Tioman

2009-10-01T14:14:00.011+08:00

Snorkeling was the highlight of the trip but traveling and cam-whoring with 12 other guys using 10 cameras were the main activities throughout the entire trip right from the start till the end.

Cycling past memorable places

2009-09-17T18:38:00.005+08:00

Just came back from cycling at nearby neighbourhoods.

Went past Catholic High School, my alma-mater and Ministry of Education Language Centre (MOELC) where i studied Malay as a 3rd Language.
Many memories flashed through my mind as i slowed down my speed.
Memories of my early teenage days of green shorts and hirsute legs.

Then on my way back home, i cycled past St. Andrew's Junior College, another alma mater.
Reminded of my late teenage days of blue-white-striped ties and painful braces.

What a nice way to spend my day off ...

God's answer to me

2009-08-13T20:41:00.003+08:00

Previously i mentioned about being choked by the cares of the world.
As i was reading my Bible earlier this week, i found an answer to which i must take action.
It was found in Romans 12:2.

The New International Version (NIV) says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

The Message (MSG) version gives a elaborate explanation:
Place Your Life Before God (Romans 12: 1,2)
"Here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life — your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life — and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Choked by the cares of the world

2009-08-09T13:46:00.005+08:00

The Parable of the Sower
Matthew 13: 3b-8 (English Standard Version)

"A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."

The Parable of the Sower Explained
Matthew 13: 19-23 (English Standard Version)

"When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty."

Been a Christian for slightly more than a decade.
But recently my spiritual disciplines are being choked with the things of this fallen world instead of being overwhelmed with Godly things.
i'm turning into a "Sunday Christian".
Sucks not having a sense of God's will in my daily life like i used to.

T I M E T O B E A R F R U I T . . .

Fathers' Day

2009-06-21T22:47:00.001+08:00

To my Heavenly Father, earthly father, and spiritual father, a blessed Fathers' Day!

50th Advanced Section Leaders' Course

2009-05-22T23:02:00.016+08:00

i've had the hardest times of my life during ASLC, but i've also had the hardest laughs of my life during ASLC.

Countdown to Sergeanthood

2009-05-14T21:17:00.001+08:00

Away in Thailand for a different objective

2009-04-23T00:10:00.001+08:00

Visiting Thailand from 23 April to 17 May.
But this time it isn't a short and sweet 2-week missionary trip to the hilltribe regions of Northern Thailand.
It's a long and laborious 3-week overseas training trip to some unfamiliar (to me) military camp called Sawadee Camp. Yeah right, you really think i'd reveal the real name of the camp here? Maybe there really exists a Sawadee Camp but i doubt it would be a military one.

And i doubt i'd be excused from labour on Labour Day during the overseas training. Happy (early) May Day to my loved ones back in Singapore!

Oh ya i'd be spending Mothers' Day away from my mum too. What a miserable trip to Thailand! Anyway have a blessed Mothers' Day, Mummy. Miss having you near me each time i visited Thailand.

Dear loved ones, please keep me in prayer as i spend these 3 weeks in The Land of a Thousand Smiles (probably not as many now due to the chaos).
Don't get the wrong idea; i'm not going there as part of a peacekeeping deployment (i wish!). i'd imagine so though.
i just wanna come back as quickly as possible (unlike my previous missionary trips you realise); i don't wanna be kept there longer than 3 weeks due to the political situation and delay my Passing-Out Parade.

May God's love dwell in the hearts of the Thai people so that all this pandemonium may cease.
Even as i see Thailand in a different light this time, i pray that i won't let things rob me of the joy that i have in the Lord.

Happy April Fool's Day!

2009-04-01T08:45:00.002+08:00

My A level results

2009-03-06T21:13:00.006+08:00

2007
H1 General Paper: B
H1 History: D
H2 Economics: S
H2 Mathematics: S
H2 Physics: E

2008
H1 General Paper: B
H1 History: C
H2 Economics: B
H2 Mathematics: C
H2 Physics: D

By right, a repeat student shouldn't have improved so little. But i'm still thankful for my results. It's been amazing having witnessed first-hand God's faithfulness throughout 2008. Repeating my A levels in SAJC was already undeserved grace.

It wouldn't be totally right to say that i've reaped what i sowed. Yes, i felt i didn't deserve a B for GP; i'd expected an A. But i didn't deserve a B for Econs either; i'd expected worse. i guess i had overestimated myself and was complacent for GP. Nevermind, i still believe i'm good in English. Lol.

It was good to see the rest of the JC3s back in SAJC. And of course, the JC2s like Marcus Sia and JC1s like Amy Pryke and Rachel Lim. Haha.

Now i shall continue to pray for a spot in a local university, preferably NUS FASS. And i will seek advice from people.

i'd like to thank all those who have been praying for me, as well as the teachers and tutors who have taught, counselled and encouraged me. And also the SAF for releasing us, the A level students, early to collect our results today.

The irony of a soldier's life

2009-02-22T12:23:00.007+08:00

Life sucks so much that it brings me so much closer to God.

I shall not cheat again

2009-02-07T12:30:00.000+08:00

The hardest thing so far

2009-01-18T08:08:00.003+08:00

It's the end of the 4th week since i got posted to my new unit, and basically it's been about doing hard things™ all this time - constantly expanding my comfort zone, going beyond what's expected/required, doing things that i can't do alone, things that don't pay off immediately and things that go against the crowd (adapted from Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris).

i have to sleep less when i'm a person who treasures sleep very much.
i have to learn things fast when i'm a dunce.
i have to rely on others for help when sometimes i prefer to do things alone.
i have to keep my things in a tidy manner when i usually don't bother about orderliness.
i have to maintain my vulgarless nature in a vulgarful environment.
Etcetera, etcetera.

These things may not be hard for some people, but they are hard for me. God has indeed answered my prayer to be a Rebelutionary™ this year and has given me numerous opportunities to do hard things™. And in doing these hard things, i hope to honour God as i strive to portray Christlikeness.

Out of all the various hard things i've been doing these 4 weeks, the hardest thing isn't really sleeping less or picking up things fast. Yesterday, i discovered that the hardest thing to do so far is to uphold integrity in the midst of circumstances that tempt me to do otherwise. i failed to internalise the 6th Core Value of the SAF - Ethics. i was caught cheating at the start of a re-test. i didn't keep my notes and referred to them for answers, so my superior confiscated them. He allowed me to continue with the test but said he would inform the big boss.

This was my reason of cheating: i had already failed the test once, and because of that i had to go back on a Saturday morning to do the re-test. i wanted to make sure i wouldn't fail the test again, so i decided to compromise my integrity and take a risk. Even as i continued with my test, i was very affected. i became upset with myself, not for the inability to cheat tactically and avoid getting caught, but rather for shaming my God and ruining my testimony of Christlikeness. And i realised even without my notes, i could still answer most of the questions. How silly and unconfident was i!

i'm ashamed of my poor decision-making. Doing the test honestly without cheating was the hard thing for me to do because the failure to pass would mean a re-test on a Saturday morning and i wasn't willing to sacrifice my Saturday morning break like that. i'm sure there're gonna be similar encounters in the future, and this time i will choose to do the hard thing.

For now, i've got to learn my lesson the hard way and it's been made harder because i didn't make the right choice yesterday. i'm willing to face the music even if i don't like the tune being played (signing extras, etc.) but i hope they will give me a second chance (by not kicking me Out Of Course or sending me to the Detention Barracks).

"The world isn't as forgiving as the Lord."

Nonetheless, here are my resolutions for 2009

2009-01-01T18:23:00.003+08:00

My resolution for 2008 was to develop marks of maturity adapted from Charles Swindoll's book Day by Day:

Concern for others that outweighs personal concerns
Detection of the presence of evil before it's obvious
Self-discipline
Compassion and involvement
Tempered emotions
Consistently growing in God's Word

Since i didn't really manage to fulfill most of the above last year, i shall add them to my resolution for 2009 below which is to do hard things, taken from Alex & Brett Harris' book Do Hard Things:

Things that are outside my comfort zone
Things that go beyond what's required/expected
Things that are too big to accomplish alone
Things that don't earn an immediate payoff
Things that challenge the cultural norm

New Year's resolutions can be bad for you

2009-01-01T18:16:00.001+08:00

LONDON - MAKING self-improvement New Year's resolutions often leaves people feeling worse, the British mental health charity Mind warned on Thursday.

Mind urged people not to make resolutions focusing on physical imperfections - such as attempting to lose weight - because they create a negative self image and lead to feelings of low self-esteem, hopelessness and even mild depression.

And when such optimistic resolutions fail, that could spark feelings of inadequacy and failure, the charity warned.

'New Year's resolutions can sometimes focus on our problems or insecurities such as being overweight, feeling unhappy in our jobs or feeling guilty about not devoting enough time to friends and family throughout the year,' said Mind chief executive Paul Farmer.

'We chastise ourselves for our perceived shortcomings and set unrealistic goals to change our behaviour, so it's not surprising that when we fail to keep resolutions, we end up feeling worse than when we started.

'In 2009, instead of making a New Year's resolution, think positively about the year to come and what you can achieve.'

Mind suggested resolution-makers focus instead on being active, connecting with nature, learning something new and working for one's community.

-- AFP

Blessed 19th Rachael!

2009-01-01T07:36:00.001+08:00

i miss you, Awfully Good Friend.
Come back soon!

Twenty-O-Eight - A year of unsatisfied wants but fulfilled needs

2008-12-31T21:44:00.001+08:00

Wants unsatisfied:

To spend Valentine's Day with someone special. In other words, get attached.

To visit Thailand during my post-BMT block leave, 'cause i figured i wouldn't be able to join the annual mission trip this year due to NS.

To join the mission team to Thailand since i now could do so 'cause i disrupted NS to repeat my A's as a civilian.

Needs fulfilled:

i spent Valentine's Day on Tekong Island Resort with my army buddies, getting prepared to go for field camp the next day. In other words, still not attached but i believe God is giving me ample time learning to live with the 2 ladies in my life (Mum and Sis) and understand what true love means before getting attached in God's perfect timing.

i didn't get to visit Thailand 'cause by the grace of God and others who helped, i got a chance to repeat my A's in SAJC which means i hadda stay on Tekong Island Resort to get my disruption application approved, so no Thailand in March.

My hopes of going on the annual mission trip were dashed when the Land of a Thousand Smiles got chaotic and my dad said no, so no Thailand in December either. But i got to learn valuable lifelong lessons like seeking God's will, obeying it and surrendering to Christ.

Countdown to Re-enlistment

2008-12-17T07:51:00.001+08:00

Misses

2008-12-09T21:39:00.005+08:00

i miss eating Akha food.

i miss drinking Akha tea.

i miss bathing in cold water.

i miss the breathtaking mountains of Chiangmai.

i miss the starry nightsky of Chiangrai.

i miss taking photographs of and with the villagers.

i miss being awaken by roosters in the middle of the night.

i miss singing praises to God in languages i don't understand.

i miss having bumpy car rides in 4-wheelers.

i miss being one hour younger.

My heart in 2824 words

2008-12-04T07:56:00.009+08:00

Wanted to write this last night but i was afraid i would doze off blogging halfway so i'm tapping on the freshness of the new morning to do this now. Despite the morning freshness, i’m going to just say what comes to mind, so please pardon my incoherent writing for this post (assuming my other posts are coherent).

First, let me express this. i'm of the idea of transparency and letting everyone know my inner thoughts and other truths. (Of course i also want to save the troublesomeness of answering to everyone who asks, but i’m not saying you shouldn’t ask.) i know that some of these truths might unsettle certain people (truth hurts!) but i believe God will work through these truths to bring forth His will for Jesus Himself is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). Allow me to share what i’ve learnt from and agreed with a magazine called Broader Perspectives: “The point of human beings being able to speak is to communicate our thoughts, not to hide them. As long as we treat lying as something to be expected, we will always look at other people askew. When trust is hindered and communication is less open, we lose our ability to formulate solutions together as a society.” So, i don’t mind if this post is being read by anyone, because i’ve found that people can relate better with me when they know what i feel and think. It also helps my fellow siblings in Christ to pray for me more specifically and these specific prayers have gone a long way in helping me grow in spiritual maturity. As i’ve learnt in Christianity and Economics, we live in an imperfect world with imperfect information and knowledge. But i’ll do what i can to correct this ‘market failure’.

Okay here we go.

This entire experience has been one of seeking God’s will, obeying it and surrendering to Christ. And i’m proud to say i’ve made considerable progress mastering the basics of this Christian discipline. It’s been a bumpy ride for the past week, especially after it was announced that those below 21 years old are not allowed to go for the mission trip unless both parents’ signatures are given. That was the first sign of God’s will to me. Initially, like what i’ve posted previously, i was depressed i wouldn’t be able to go to Thailand this year. i couldn’t see the bright side of being under 21 years old and i blamed God for not forming me in my mother’s womb at least 7 months and 17 days earlier 20 years ago. But then, after a period of fasting and praying, i’ve figured that the next 10 days may not be as fulfilling as i had imagined, but i will be exactly where God wants me to be.

Everyone on the team has his/her own unique experience of how the political situation in Thailand has directly affected them through the postponement of the trip (to some) and cancellation (to others). Mine went to a climax last night, when my mum became upset and when Uncle James was slated to meet my dad after the final team briefing.

My mum was upset because her flight is on the 7th instead of the 5th when the majority leaves for Chiangmai. She said she already applied leave from the 5th to the 14th and it wouldn’t be worthwhile to go for only a week. She didn’t understand why my ticket got confirmed before hers when my status was more uncertain (i had to wait for my dad to sign an indemnity letter). i doubt she understands now even after Uncle Lawrence explained to her last night. i was wondering along with my mum about the tickets, but when i listened to Uncle Lawrence, i was able to understand it at once. Perhaps it was the spiritual bondage that obscured my mum’s understanding of the big picture. Anyway i've received news from Choon Tee that all the flights are now scheduled to be on the 5th so my mum gets to go on the 5th now. Thank God.

There’re so many of us who can’t even go, and there she was making a big fuss over the triviality of a 2-day delay in her flight schedule. To put it bluntly, i was ashamed of being her son at that moment. I remember how Felicia shared about her mum last week when all the unforeseen circumstances the team’s facing were starting to unfold. I thought she was pretty mean towards her mum (but i admire her straightforwardness). i was telling myself, “How can she say that to and of her mother?” But now i realise i’m not any different from her. i’m guilty of not being caring enough to my mum. i emphasise the word enough because i thought i’d shown enough care and because she hasn’t shown any signs of changing her attitude, I have given up on her. That was what happened last night. i totally ignored her.

Please understand this. It’s not that i didn’t try at all. i did, sometimes alone, sometimes with my sis, to convince and encourage her that she has been feeling this way mainly due to her own misconceptions of others. My sis and i tried to tell her it’s normal to not please everyone. There’re surely a few who don’t like us. This is especially so for an earnestly God-seeking Christian. Jesus tells us the world hates us because they hated Him first, and because we are of God and not of the world, the world hates us too (John 15:18). But when (almost) everyone we encounter, especially in God’s family, has a problem with us but not with the rest, then we ought to check ourselves rather than blaming them for not showing enough love to us. My sis and i shared with our mum that we also face problems in our relationships with people, within and without the church (my mum thinks everyone likes us). But we don’t conclude that it’s their problem and then leave the church for another or evade the problem altogether (maintaining an indefinite cold war with that person).

A dictum puts it aptly, “Your perspective determines reality.” Every time my sis and i talked to our mum, i thought we’ve gotten the message across to her. But no, she has nevertheless failed to change her pessimistic perspective of how other people view her, time and time again (yes Rachel, time and time again). People have been urging us (her children) to talk to her in order to bring about the change they can believe in, because we’re closer to her than they are. i apologise for the apparent stalemate. So as imperfectly human as i am, i gave up on trying anymore, even when my sis continued to try again last night. It was a terrible time, i must say.

Uncle James and Aunty Christianne sent me home after the meeting last night and they came to ask my dad for his consent to let me go for this trip. Even if my dad was not to sign the indemnity letter, his verbal consent would have sent me re-packing my luggage right away! But i have surrendered to God’s will and i believe it is God’s will for me to stay in Singapore this time. Don’t get me wrong. i fully accept and respect my dad’s decision. Like i told Uncle Vincent, i’m not a father (i’ll be known as Father Abraham in time to come but not as yet) so i won’t truly understand the struggles my dad (and parents of the other members below 21) have to go through now (even for those who have given their consent). So, in my perspective, when my earthly father said, “No” last night, so did my Heavenly Father. And i believe i'm honouring both of them right now.

After Uncle James and Aunty Christianne left, i went online to change my Facebook status to update those who love me. i admit i’ve been addicted to Facebook, uploading photos and videos, tagging my friends and stuff, but i wasn’t doing much of that last night. Anyway that was the time when my sis was there for my mum trying to talk sense into her in her room like we have been trying previously to but to no avail, while i sat in the living room in front of my computer. As i mentioned earlier in this blog post, it was a terrible time. i could hear my sis in tears trying very hard to correct my mum’s (usual) negative assumptions. i overheard my mum saying something like, “You’re siding with those in church, of course you’ll say these!” That was similar to what my mum told me on the phone before we left the meeting last night. She said something along the lines of, “You can continue sticking close to them and neglect me.” i felt so helpless. Now she thinks even we, her own children, are against her. Hai.

When my sis and mum finally came out of the room, my sis was still in tears and she rebuked me for not even trying to listen to our mum. My sis also accused me of not applying what i’ve read in the book Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris, of not doing the hard thing of listening to my mum despite failures of past attempts in convincing our mum. i retaliated for a while but saw no point in justifying myself because it would make things worse. i felt i didn’t do anything wrong. i have tried as many times as humanly possible and it was high time i left this humanly impossible task of changing my mum’s warped perspective to God who promises in Luke 18:27 that "What is impossible with man is possible with God." But after a night’s prayer, i realise i was actually choosing the easy way out by using that verse to my own discretion. Another verse came to mind. It’s from Matthew 18: 21-22: “Peter came up and said to [Jesus], ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.’” In essence, Jesus means forgiving every time. Although i’d still say it wasn’t appropriate for my sis to use Do Hard Things in a negative way like she did to me last night, i admit i should have still pressed on and listened to our mum. Mei, if you’re reading this, may i urge you not to use the phrase in such a way again? Because it may spoil the actual intention of the Harris twins and other rebelutionaries. Check out this article written by the twins’ father at http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2007/07/how-to-spoil-do-hard-things/

i don’t expect my mum to change anytime soon but i’ll of course keep her in my prayers. And seriously i need to pray harder especially now she’s going on the trip without my sis and me. As you have guessed, my greatest worry is her relationships with the other team members. Trip after trip, since 2004, she has never failed to (sadly) stir up a certain degree of ___ (i haven’t thought of an appropriate word) within the team. i need to clarify, i’m not trying to put my mum in a bad light here. It’s purely just to be transparent like i’ve mentioned at the beginning of this post so that people may know us better and those who love us can pray for us more specifically. i’m grateful to everyone who has been so tolerant and understanding towards my mum. The only thing i can do is to leave her in God’s hands and ask the other team members to continue to be tolerant and understanding. As i have learnt, God has placed my mum in my life to not only to test my faith but more importantly to help me understand the love of Christ. Jesus must have come across many more hard-to-love people than any of us but He still loves them all the same and even dies for these people. Honestly, till today i still don’t understand how anyone is able to love so unconditionally. Only God is equivalent to such an unfailing love. Even though we’re not God, we are called to do the same. Leviticus 11:44 tells us, “I am the LORD your God. Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am holy.” Ya, so I guess God places certain people in our lives to show us what it means to love them as Christ does.

i’m just thankful for this whole thing because as much as it has shaken things up a lot, so much has it also drawn me closer to Jesus Christ Himself. i think this would not have been possible without God’s grace that i undeservedly have received and the constant prayers of those who love me. i apologise for not including your names here because i know i’ll miss some names out. Please pardon me. Your rewards are in Heaven. Haha.

This episode has also taught me a few valuable lifelong lessons. Apart from those aforementioned (seeking God’s will, obeying it and surrendering to Christ), i have also learned to move away from a self-centred response towards a Christ-centred and others-centred one. i think this is really cool. Of course i don’t imply that i’m totally selfless and not at all self-centred, but i’m again proud to say i’ve made considerable progress mastering the basics of this Christian discipline. For instance, when my sis rebuked me last night, i felt indignant at first, and i tried to justify myself. But i was promptly prompted by the Holy Spirit to stop looking out for my own pride and ego but rather look out for what Jesus would have done and how others are feeling about the prevailing situation. So, i abruptly stopped refuting my sis’ allegations of me (which turn out to be rightly true). There’re a couple of other instances during the past few days or so in which i have responded in a similar way.

It’s just purely amazing to stop resisting but go along with the flow of the Holy Spirit. i got to see first-hand how God’s faithfulness has been following me throughout this whole Thailand-less experience, just like how He saw me through my two A level experiences and of course my BMT, although all of them weren’t exactly what i had wished to be. i must say God’s been good to me, even during the troughs my recent life. i’ve always asked God to remind me of His goodness especially when i’m down because i think those are the most important times in my life when my faith is tested beyond its limit. Boy, He’s never failed to bring me close to Himself during these times of trial. i know that there are many around me who do not seem to enjoy the intimacy i have with God. My mum is one of them. i can’t tell these people that i understand what they’re going through for the mere fact that i can’t possibly fully do so! Everyone has his/her own unique struggles (although some may be common), so it’d be very insensitive to downplay other people’s problems by saying God is good and all will be fine. i’m oft a victim of such well-meaning but tactless attempt to comfort a person. So, i’m not gonna make the same mistake here.

Just allow me to make some suggestions. Be open to the visitations of God’s Holy Spirit. And i can’t emphasise this enough: read God’s word – the Bible! (i won’t delve into the details of the boons of reading the Bible.) i know it isn’t easy. i do struggle to read the Bible every single day, but i get great help from supplementary materials like the Life Application Study Bible and a few Quiet Time devotionals such as Every Day with Jesus by Greg Laurie and Every Day with Jesus by Selwyn Hughes. Once again, i’m proud to say proud to say i’ve made considerable progress mastering the basics of this Christian discipline. Oh ya, one more thing. Reading Christian books helps a lot too. I’m currently reading (re-reading actually) Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris which is an apt book for teenagers (i’m not a teen anymore but it’s still extremely relevant). Books by Max Lucado (my favourite author) are very good too. Remember not to quench the Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19)!

"It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to Your ways ... "

A Thailand-less year

2008-11-29T11:35:00.002+08:00

Glen is of course depressed he can't go to Thailand.

Glen fails to see the bright side of being under 21 years old.

Glen kinda loved packing for the past 4 mission trips plus this one; now he dreads having to unpack his luggage without having worn any clothes inside it.

Glen is unable to sleep.

Glen struggles to accept God's will.

Glen confronts God.

Glen blames God for not forming him in his mother's womb at least 7 months and 17 days earlier 20 years ago.

Glen prays for the rest who are still going, because things are now much more difficult.

Glen wakes up hoping it was a dream, but it wasn't.

Glen hasn't known what God has in store for him now that he can't go to Thailand.

Glen attempts to see things through God's contact lenses.

Glen has just collected his new biometric passport (to be displayed on his desk at home).

Glen figures that the next two weeks may not be as fulfilling as he wanted, but he will be where God wants him to be.

Countdown to my A Levels (again!)

2008-10-05T09:33:00.001+08:00

A student's prayer

2008-10-04T09:38:00.001+08:00

Lord, grant me a quiet heart
Before exams start.

Lead me to use my leisure hours
To invigorate my powers.
My mind from daydreams liberate,
Give me the will to concentrate.
From all distractions, set me free
That in my studies I may be
A student with a sole fulfilment
To make my work a sacrament.

From my faint heart in low expel
All failure fears that therein dwell.
And from my pillow drive away
All dark forebodings of the day.
Help me in faith to rest so deep,
That I may have untroubled sleep.
While notes and lectures I prepare,
May I not lose my zest for prayer.

May I not forget to look
For guidance in Thy Book.
And may I ever grateful be
To all who daily pray for me.
For myself I intercede,
For other students too, I plead.
So may exams find
Each one alert in heart and mind.

Thus inward joy and peace possessing,
May exams prove a source of blessing.

- Anonymous

A melancholic poem

2008-09-20T21:14:00.003+08:00

Longing to escape from you,
I try very hard to learn how to fly.
Finally, wings began to appear on my back,
Ending the days of agony with you around.

Suffering and pain gradually leave my sight,
Underneath me I see you diminish in size.
Christ, bring me home today,
Kiss me, welcome me in heaven and
Say to me, "Your worst days are over."

- Anonymous

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten by Robert Fulghum

2008-09-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Goalball

2008-09-10T18:57:00.005+08:00

i was just totally intrigued by this sport called Goalball which is featured in the Paralympics when i switched on the TV less than an hour ago. There's Sitting Volleyball and Wheelchair Rugby too! Haha.

Goalball is a team sport designed for blind athletes. It was devised by Hanz Lorenzen (Austria), and Sepp Reindle (Germany), in 1946 in an effort to help in the rehabilitation of visually impaired World War II veterans[1]. The International Blind Sports Federation (IBSA), responsible for fifteen sports for the blind and partially sighted in total, is the governing body for this sport.

The sport evolved into a competitive game over the next few decades and was a demonstration event at the 1976 Summer Paralympics in Toronto [1]. The sport's first championship was held in 1978 and goalball became a full part of the Paralympics from the 1980 Summer Paralympics in Arnhem onwards[1].

Participants compete in teams of three, and try to throw a ball that has bells embedded in it, into the opponents' goal[2]. They must use the sound of the bell to judge the position and movement of the ball. Games consist of two 10 minute halves[2]. Blindfolds allow partially sighted players to compete on an equal footing with blind players[2].

- Wikipedia

A word that sounds wrong

2008-09-03T15:21:00.005+08:00

i never actually thought breaststroke sounded wrong until i chanced upon a photo caption in the papers during the Olympics period. i realise when it refers to the swimmer executing the breaststroke, it sounds wrong to me. Don't accuse me of thinking dirty. Just read the article below and judge for yourself.

While American Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps continues to dominate the pool and shatter World Records [6 Gold Medals, 6 World Records] on his quest towards 8 Gold Medals, another headline story overlooked but nearly as impressive is Breaststroker Kosuke Kitajima of Japan.

...

Kosuke Kitajima has rewritten the record books and rewritten the approach to swimming technique. What American's Steve Lundquist ['80's breaststroke sprinter] and Mike Barrowman ['90's breaststroke endurance] meant for the face of Breaststroke and were combined in American Brendan Hansen ['00's hybrid sprinter/endurance], has finally given way to the tidal wave of Kosuke Kitajima as perhaps the most efficient Breaststroker of all-time!

http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/REIGNBLOOD/163523

A Curriculum Fable

2008-08-29T11:18:00.000+08:00

One time, the animals had a school. The curriculum consisted of running, climbing, flying, and swimming, and all the animals took all the subjects.

The Duck was good in swimming, better in fact than his instructor, and he made passing grades in flying, but he was practically hopeless in running. Because he was low in this subject, he was made to stay in after school and drop his swimming class in order to practice running. He kept this up until he was only average in swimming. But average is acceptable, so nobody worried about that except the Duck.

The Eagle was considered a problem pupil and was disciplined severely. He beat all the others to the top of the tree in the climbing class, but he had used his own way of getting there.

The Rabbit started out at the top of the class in running, but he had a nervous breakdown and had to drop out of school on account of so much make-up work in swimming.

The Squirrel led the climbing class, but his flying teacher made him start his flying lessons from the ground instead of the top of the tree down and he developed charley horses from overexertion at the take-off and began getting C's in climbing and D's in running.

The practical Prairie Dogs apprenticed their offspring to a Badger when the school authorities refused to add digging to the curriculum.

At the end of the year, an abnormal Eel, that could swim well, run, climb, and fly a little, was made Valedictorian.

- Anonymous

My last week as a teenager

2008-07-10T23:19:00.001+08:00

Will hell be less hot now?

2008-07-04T10:41:00.005+08:00

My last month as a teenager

2008-06-17T14:58:00.002+08:00

Barely a few weeks ago, my neighbour referred to me as "Uncle". Do I look that old?

We were in the lift. He was with his wife and his infant son in a pram. The little one was looking at me. He was cute (just like anyone else during his/her infant days) so I smiled at him (I don't only smile at cute people mind you, although I tend to give a bigger smile when I meet one). My neighbour started to engage in some baby-talk with his son which I thought was pretty entertaining, considering the usual 75 seconds of awkward silence I go through each time I take the lift with others.

I was amused up till the point when he said something like this to his son, "Why are you staring at Uncle ah? It is very rude to stare at Uncle like that you know?" And then he kept referring to me as Uncle for the rest of his baby-conversation. Of course I wasn't offended or anything. Nevertheless I decided to make some clarification. So I said smilingly to my neighbour, "Not Uncle la." Then he said, "Huh, really ah? Then Kor-kor ah?" "Er ... ya." Before the lift reached the 14th storey, he said, "Normally when you're 20 onwards, you can be called Uncle already." I wanted to reply, "I'll be 20 only next month, yet I don't wanna be called an Uncle even then." But I merely gave a chuckle and left the lift.

So, do I really look that old? I always thought I look younger than my peers. Or perhaps it was my little goatee which I've been trying to grow that made my neighbour perceive me as an adult.

It's only one month before I'm no longer called a teenager. But I wanna be forever young. Especially when I'm currently two years behind most of my peers in life.

Cherishing my remaining month of teenage life ...

A day for fathers, and a deeply missed friend

2008-06-15T19:39:00.005+08:00

Church was unusually quiet this morning. The majority of the congregation went for the church camp, so the service was a single Traditional one instead of Contemporary. No Praise 'n' Worship, only 4 hymns were sung during the entire service instead. I don't usually enjoy hymns but today I was reminded of my Awfully Good Friend during each hymn.

You told me you could appreciate hymns because your church sang quite a few hymns during its services. Today, I got to hear some hymns in church. The music wasn't as catchy as contemporary songs, but as you said before, the lyrics were as meaningful, if not more meaningful. Somehow they reminded me of you. I wonder how you're doing over there in Canada. And of course, I miss you alot. I hope you're doing fine.

I thank God for speaking to me through Reverend Ng Seng Chuan today.
Happy Fathers' Day, Abba Father!

The value of a smile

2008-06-07T17:35:00.005+08:00

A smile costs nothing, but gives much.

It enriches those who receive,
without making poorer those who give.

It takes but a moment,
but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it,
and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it.

A smile creates happiness in the home,
fosters good will in business,
and is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary,
cheer to the discouraged,
sunshine to the sad,
and is nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,
for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours,
as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

- Anonymous

It's been a long time since you last smiled at me.
Would you do it again?

A tribute to Mother Nature

2008-05-11T15:08:00.004+08:00

Happy Mothers' Day!

Stressful schooling

2008-04-20T12:53:00.003+08:00

Finally after three bad hair weeks, I could get my haircut yesterday. So it's time for another entry. It feels good to own a civilian hairstyle again, although it's not a trendy one. I'm fine with it. This time, my hairstylist didn't comment on my physique at all (previously he said I grew fatter, remember?). Instead, he said my teeth looked very neat and tidy now. Yes, the implicit assumption in the statement he made is that my teeth had been untidy. Well, that's a fact 'cause my teeth was indeed in a mess before I had my braces on. So I wasn't upset this time. I shall faithfully embark on my monthly pilgrimmage to Far East Plaza from next month onwards to have my hair trimmed.

School's been real crazy for me. Very stressful. Last year, I obviously didn't pay (enough) attention during lessons, and I wasn't bothered when I didn't understand what I was studying. This year, as I pay much more attention in class, I panick because I realise how much there is to cover for A levels! Some of my classmates kept lamenting, "Life sucks." I had to agree. But after having led a little of an army life earlier this year, I told them, "Life as a student still sucks the least."

Okay, I need to make some amendments to my previous entry about my most and least favourite lessons. I had heard from my new classmates that PE lessons with Mr Daryl Ong would be just physical training and no playing of games at all. But it wasn't true. We got to play games. (My class is 07S19 and we have our PE lessons together with 07S14.) Mr Desmond Ng was on course so Mr Ong relieved him. It was our last lesson with Mr Ong last week so we took photos with him, with Fay Anne's camera I think. Anyway now my most favourite lessons are Maths and PE. Haha.

The road less travelled

2008-03-30T23:39:00.002+08:00

Basket. I can't have my hair cut yet. The hairstylist said it's still too short. If he said only that, I wouldn't feel that upset, but he went on to say that I've grown fatter! Have I really grown fatter? Or is it just my face? All thanks to the army la, for feeding me with so much food but giving me only endurance training rather than strength training. Some more now I'm out of the army and back to a civilian.
And can you believe this? I was on my way home on Friday, and TV Mobile was showing some news article entitled Labour of Love and depicting a pregnant man! Shucks, I have to suck in my tummy wherever I go from now onwards 'cause I don't wanna become a pregnant man.

Okay frustrations aside, I shall begin on the main point of this entry.

Most of my army friends have gone forward in their army life. Some are currently undergoing training in command school (Officer Cadet School or School of Infantry Specialists) while the others are posted to various camps a.k.a units all around the island. But I'm taking a different route. I have gone back to school. St. Andrew's Junior College has agreed to let me repeat my Year 2 and take my A level exams again this year (praise God!), and the Ministry of Defence (Mindef) has allowed me to disrupt my National Service until the end of this year.

I went back to school on Tuesday instead of Monday, because Mindef wasn't done with my disruption procedures yet. In the words of the manpower personnel at Pulau Tekong, I still belonged to the Singapore Armed Forces. Thus I still had to report to the Basic Military Training Centre together with a few other Privates to wait for permission for us to be officially released for studies.

It was an 8-hour wait inside a room, from 8 o'clock in the morning to 4 o'clock in the afternoon. It's pretty interesting how the 10 of us bonded together in less than a day. Among this section of disruptees, the majority hailed from Tampines JC (TPJC), while one came from Anderson JC and I, St. Andrew's JC (SAJC).

We were all from different companies (Broncho, Gryphon, Jaguar, Raven, etc.) during our Basic Military Training (BMT) phase, but we were all gathered in the room for only one purpose: to disrupt our NS and retake our A's.

I have to admit that the wait was dreadful initially, but the TPJC guys made it count. I was actually trying to kill time by reading my Time magazine (how cool is that!) and my Economics tuition notes, but after a few hours, the TPJC guys managed to open me up, metaphorically.

The first thing they asked me immediately after they heard I studied in SAJC was (as you have guessed), "So are there really a lot of pretty girls in your school?" My answer was, "Well, it has become a rumour, a myth. The numbers have experienced a tremendously sustained decrease over the years." Seriously, if you have heard people saying that there're many pretty girls in SAJC, that was a proven fact many years ago. Today, pretty girls are an endangered species currently facing extinction in SAJC.

Alright, I have elaborated too much on an issue that isn't very important. Let me go on to my first day back in school.

It was a luxury waking up 30 minutes later than reveille time in the army. To keep fit during our civilian months ahead, my new-found friend, Private Dinie (one of the TPJC guys) suggested doing 5BX (5 Basic Exercises) and jogging every morning before eating breakfast and going to school, to reminisce a little of our army life. I thought it was good so I implemented the idea, except the 5BX part due to time constraint.

To cut the story short, honestly I felt awkward seeing so many unfamiliar faces in school. And those few familiar ones had some kind of a surprised look on them when they spotted me. My new class is a small one, with only about 10 members, before the few of us repeatees supplied reinforcements. I realised we repeatees and our new classmates are facing a generation gap. We're from the 80s while they're from the 90s. Cool. As for the teachers, all of them have never taught me before, except Mr Yoong, 'cause he seems to always take the H1 History classes every year.

Unlike last year, my most favourite and least favourite lessons have taken a drastic switch. I used to love Physical Education (PE) most and Mathematics least. Now it's the other way round. I shan't say anything about PE but for Maths, it was my first tutorial lesson that I attended on Friday (I missed the one on Monday) and it was the first time in my life I felt the classroom was hot (if you know what that means). Haha.

Pity there are only two Maths tutorial lessons in a week (the other three are lectures). Hai. And there are three Physics tutorial lessons of which two are 3-period lessons. How I wish Physics and Maths can swop time slots. Haha. Nevermind, tomorrow there's Maths tutorial lesson so I can enjoy the heat again. Yay.

On a seious note, to be frank, repeating this Year 2 is tougher than I had expected. On Tuesday when I attended the first lesson of the day (Maths lecture), I was totally lost. It was the same for Physics tutorial lesson which followed. Only History lecture was slightly better. Thank God it was a short day on Tuesday, otherwise I would've gone bonkers on my first day itself.

Like what I smsed Neale, the grass always seems greener on the other side. Last year before my A's, I couldn't wait to be enlisted into the army because I wanted to use my brawn more than my brain (which was ironically true: you don't need any brains in there). But during my BMT days, I'd rather rack my brains studying. And now that I'm back to school, the whole cycle seems to start again. Well, like what Neale said in his reply, it's better to munch away at / enjoy the grass with no eye for the fence! I shall learn to do just that.

When I repeated my Secondary Three back in Catholic High, I knew I was one year behind my peers and only one year ahead of my younger sister who's two years younger than me. Instead of taking my O level exams two years before she took hers, I took mine just one year before hers. I actually imagined this: What if I were to repeat a year again in JC? We would be taking our A's together. And so my thoughts became reality, a cool but very sad reality.

I shall not go any further and take up even more time on this. I have other more pressing issues to settle. I'm living on extra borrowed time.

7 H's

2008-03-23T18:51:00.003+08:00

Many people are pursuing the 5 or 6 C's but i am pursuing my 7 H's. i want to be a holy, happy, humble, hardworking, hot and handsome hunk. Haha. But i'm now instead just a hopeless, hirsute and hideous hypocrite. i pray that things will change for the better this year. i doubt God will grant me all my H's, maybe only the first four.

A message for someone

2008-03-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

Dear Resident of my Heart, I hope you read this.

I may not be living in your heart now but you still reside in mine. I have given this some thought over the last few days and I've decided to go on waiting. I'm prepared to wait even longer. I may stop waiting halfway and my patience may run out but I don't know when that day will come. We have so much time ahead of us. But don't forget I'm waiting for you. It is Time I'm giving you. Waiting is my gift for you.

i will trust and obey

Wisdom from 13-year-old Logan

2008-03-13T21:54:00.001+08:00

2 poems on life that I appreciate

2008-03-09T20:48:00.004+08:00

Life is a stage
And I'm the actor
People pass me by
With mannequin faces
And ceramic masks

This fake makes it hard
Hard to see the truth
The plastic trees
And cardboard houses
Make up this little world

The fake is overwhelming
Smothering all the real
Soon everything is one big play
Don't get a bad review

Life is a stage
And I'm the actor
Watching people pass by
With mannequin faces
And ceramic masks

- Jack Sally (modified)

Life is a drama, and the world about
Contributes to the glory of its scenes.
Oh, glorious life indeed is that of man!
Each day presents to view some happy scene,
Worthy the highest praise.

Or else perhaps a troubled sea may rage,
Terror may swell the ocean of our way;
Horror may seize upon ourselves and rob
Us momentarily of our brightest ray
Of happiness and pride.

Perchance within a single scene of all
The stages, or the various parts we play,
Some terrible or e'en unholy act
Be done, while impure things we say
Beneath strong passion's power.

Yet in the main each scene throughout the play
Is filled with sunshine and the finest showers;
Each act as but the planting of some grain
To quicken and burst forth with blooming flowers,
And ripest fruits of love.

Fruit born to bless our patient toil and care,
The rich reward to bless the laborer's brow,
To prosper here with all and give us hope
To live, to do, and all our race endow
With blessings that we've been.

- James A. DeMoss

Countdown to my Passing-Out Parade

2008-03-07T22:55:00.001+08:00

Poem publicity

2008-02-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

Please allow me to indulge in some publicity for my poems.

If you wish to read the poems I have composed over the years, go to http://www.poetry.com and type my name onto the search box.

I hope you like them!

God, I need some muse for another poem for this year's Valentine's Day.
And I wanna learn song-writing!

Back from NS confinement

2008-01-25T23:06:00.004+08:00

Returned from Tekong Island Resort just now. Back to civilisation, the light at the end of the tunnel. But not for long. I surely do not have time to share everything i experienced but a few words would suffice.

It was a very unique experience i must say. i had never lived (or rather, been in close proximity) with anyone 24/7 for 2 weeks, not even with my family, but from 11 Jan to 25 Jan this year, i actually did that with my bunk-mates. Sounds really cool.

There is really so much more to share and it's a huge pity i'm unable to do so here and now. i just have to end it here and say that God has been faithful in seeing me through the 2 weeks. It wasn't that shiong yet, but it wasn't a breeze either.

Okay, every recruit has this identification number of his own, dubbed as his 4D number. And mine is J3213 a.k.a Jaguar Company, Platoon 3, Section 2, Bed 13.

Missing Thailand

2008-01-02T01:12:00.000+08:00

One month has passed. My heart is still in Thailand. It seems like everything i do somewhat reminds me of Thailand.

When i wake up, i miss the extremely cold morning temperature that woke me up in Thailand. i miss brushing teeth in the toilets there, "blowing smoke" in the morning, eating porridge for breakfast, bathing in cold water, doing my Quiet Time in the huts, setting up clinic, etc. etc. etc.

Every night, when i look out of my window, i stare at the nightsky of Singapore. Only on certain nights can i spot stars here, but in Thailand i could easily count a hundred of stars every single night. Although i can easily identify the Orion's Belt here, i miss having to search for it among the many stars in the Thai nightsky. i also see aeroplanes in the distance (flying over Changi) every minute of the night. i wish i could catch the next flight to Chiangrai and never return.

The best days of my teenage life were spent there. In a few days' time, a new chapter of my life begins. On the outside, i'm soon no longer a teen. But on the inside, i'm still a young boy, with much to learn. National Service will turn this boy into a man, i hope.

Checking in to Tekong Island Resort on 11 January 2008 at 2pm.

Best of Glen's Teenage Years

2007-12-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

If you have a Facebook account, my complete albums are here.

Back from Northern Thailand

2007-12-10T20:05:00.000+08:00

i am not settling down yet. i feel out of place. i miss Thailand very badly.

The flight back to Singapore was delayed last night, so our torturous transit at Bangkok International Airport was prolonged. i was disappointed with Thai Airways, especially because they didn't inform us about the delay until we asked about it. But nevermind, i still love Thailand.

i am beginning to feel sick of Singapore. Isn't that ironic? i spent 2 weeks in Thailand. If i should feel sick of a place, it would have been Thailand. But instead, it's Singapore. The moment we touched down and made our way through the customs, i could immediately feel the difference. It's so warm here compared to Thailand! i had never complained about the humid weather here, but now i dunno why i'm complaining. Haha. And when i went downstairs to buy dinner just now, it was raining and i accidentally stepped into a puddle of water, not once but twice! Again, i dunno why i'm complaining.

As i was packing my things away today, images of the trip kept flashing in my mind. i felt terrible. Perhaps it's because i interacted with the people there too much, that's why i'm feeling this way. And it's also because i'm going into the army next year which means i'm most likely unable to go back to Thailand again next year. i've been going there for the past 3 years plus this year. i can't imagine spending the last week of November and first week of December outside Thailand. Argh. At least, there is a glimpse of hope. Changxian told me i may be able to apply for a week's leave from National Service next year so that i can go back to Thailand. i shall cling on to that glimpse of hope and pray for a chance.

If i had only a day left to live, i would spend it in Thailand.

courtesy of Poon Marian

25 November - 9 December 2007

2007-11-23T22:51:00.000+08:00

leaving for Thailand. will be back in 2 weeks' time.

people/things i will miss:
my father.
my classmates.
my churchmates.
my SFCmates
my soccermates.
my blog.
my Friendster.
my Facebook.
you.
etc.

25/11/2007
Depart Singapore: LTD 402 0810 hrs
09/12/2007
Arrive Singapore: LTD 401 2315 hrs

it'll be marvellous if you can pray for me! thks.

1. Good spiritual & physical health = top form in serving God
2. Constant focus (on why i'm in Thailand for even if i experience spiritual dryness)
3. Leadership (courage to rise up & be used by God in getting things done)
4. Trust in God's miracles (to touch the hearts of the people there & save their souls)
5. Protection upon team members (against spiritual attacks like sicknesses & accidents)
6. Protection upon our loved ones & friends in Singapore (against adversities)
7. Tolerance & understanding (amongst team members)
8. God's providence (in everything)
9. 1st timers (Rachel, Elizabeth, Jonathan, etc.)
10. Adaptability (to the food & relatively harsh weather conditions)
11. Smooth flow (of activities, programmes & customs)
12. Ability to sense God's pleasure & joy (in everything)
13. Super-memory (in remembering the actions for dances, etc. & some Thai words)
14. Journey mercy (from one place to another in Thailand & back to Singapore)

The circuitous route

2007-10-29T12:07:00.000+08:00

Do you know how difficult it is to do your best and hope that your best gets you either at least a C grade or at most an S grade when anything in-between gets you nowhere?

"I'm willing to take the circuitous route, but it's not enough, You must be willing too."

Countdown to my A Levels

2007-09-30T18:11:00.002+08:00

Why not me?

2007-09-20T09:44:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm living the worst day over and over again
I feel like the summer is leaving again
I feel like I'm living the worst day
I feel like you're gone
Every day is the worst day ever

i skipped my History prelim exam.
my teacher called my mum and my mum told my dad.
and so my sin found me out.

Yesterday was the worst day ever
And tomorrow won't be better
It's history repeating on and on

i could see that my mum was controlling herself, refraining from ranting at me like she used to, and my dad hasn't spoken to me about it yet.
i just feel that my existence in this world has only added liabilities to the lives of people around me.
my exorbitant Maths tuition fees are scorching my mum's finances and i'm letting down others who have high expectations of me.
i feel so lousy having made my mum so worried.

The waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me,
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.

recently i watched the news.
earthquakes, tremors, plane crash and Avian flu, claiming lives here and there.
i ask, "Just why not mine?"

The giants keep on telling me, time and time again,
"Boy, you'll never win. You'll never win."

"Lord Jesus, You've gotta save me from the waves that are gonna crash on me in 40 days' time. It's in Your nature, 'cause i know only You have an infinitely high Marginal Propensity to Save, so please reach out Your mighty hand and pull me out of this mess that i've created myself."

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid."
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory."

nowadays, the only times i can feel my sense of self-worth are on Sundays when i attend church and go for practice for the missionary trip to Northern Thailand after my A levels. other than that, i'm struggling each day to embrace Godly attitudes towards my existence on this planet.

Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.

A plea to God

2007-09-16T07:25:00.000+08:00

How i wish God had left that bottle alone, so that He could make me start studying right from the beginning, say Sec 3. but all i can do now is look ahead, fix my eyes on Jesus and stop dwelling on my ugly past.

"i'm really sick and tired of being a mediocre student and getting mediocre grades, so God would You please be more generous in giving me Your wisdom? just 0.00000001 percent of it is more than enough to make me a genius like Albert Einstein, John Maynard Keynes or Sir Isaac Newton, but i require only about 0.00000001 percent of the amount You gave these geniuses to help me grasp their main theories and concepts so that i can pass my A levels with flying colours."

the Photoelectric effect, Theory of Income Determination and Calculus are just some of the many areas that i'm unsure of at present, but as Abraham trusted in God, so will i.

"anyway i also owe You a word of thanks for providing me with the constant encouragements from my family and friends at this time, which i am so in need of."

life has indeed been different (and difficult) for me. i'm already heading in the right direction but my pace just isn't right. after days of studying long hours (8-10 hours a day mean alot of hours to me), i would feel good that i managed to sit down and study. but at the same time, i would know that it just wasn't enough. i doubt my Prelim results would show a marked improvement. the papers were really terrible, Maths in particular ('cause i've got expensive tuition for that and yet i couldn't do well). i could sense that other students are fighting to get As while here i am struggling to get above Ss and Us, not to even mention hitting a pass. what kind of a student is that? what kind of a Christian student is that?

okay i'm not supposed to use the com for long, even though i have remarkably been using it only once a week (on Sunday mornings before i go to church). so that's my life for you at the moment. i know it's gonna be over soon 'cause i can already see the end coming. The end is near.

oh ya there's Communion later ...

Hotchpotch of desperate notes

2007-08-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

Attitude

2007-08-17T22:23:00.000+08:00

the past few weeks have been horrendous ad nauseam. and i don't mean that i'm no longer feeling distraught over my A levels now, even though i believe God has just spoken to me through the following words by the author of Day by Day.

"The attitude I choose keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me. Let's choose each day and every day to keep an attitude of faith and joy and belief and compassion."
- Charles Swindoll

i may not be coping well with studies (i may not be a studious person), but my attitude from now onwards shall keep me going ...

Deliverance in Hell

2007-08-09T09:12:00.000+08:00

Glen's life cycle

2007-08-06T18:02:00.001+08:00

NDP 2007 Preview @ Potong Pasir

2007-08-02T17:43:00.000+08:00

Triviality

2007-07-28T00:18:00.000+08:00

i know this is gonna sound childish but i thought i should voice it out in response to a blog entry.

recently i flared up at a classmate for something considered trivial: crumpling my school uniform again, for fun.

i used to not mind wearing a crumpled top wherever i go, until i saw people wearing crumpled tops (intentionally or unconsciously), which looked awful to me. then i realise i had been taking my mum's ironing my school uniform for granted. (she's been ironing my sister and my school uniforms so that we may have more time to study, albeit a few minutes.)

i went to apologise to him one hour later for flaring up and literally begged him not to crumple my uniform again. i told him that he may do to me whatever he likes to 'disturb' me, except messing my hair and crumpling my uniform. i had thought he got the message, but he still tried to joke around the next day by pretending that he was gonna crumple various parts of my uniform, as if to tease me for kicking up a big fuss about it the other day.

"I really don't understand why it affects you so much.
It's not as if you're going home with a perfectly untouched shirt!
It bothers me a lot more that such a little thing bothers you.
Anyway, I was joking when I said I didn't get the point.
No need to get so angry."

perhaps i was indeed kicking up a huge fuss over something trivial. since my secondary school days, i've been conscious of my appearance. my mood is always affected whenever people touch my hair or crumple my shirt. it's as if a part of me has gone crooked and i can't function as normally as i do. i always check my hair and attire before leaving the house, so that kinda starts my day off knowing that i'm in top form. but once my hair gets messed up or my shirt gets crumpled by an external force, i'd feel uneasy.

well, that's me. that's one of my many imperfections. maybe my classmate or other people don't mind that. hmmm. perhaps one day i should do the same to him since his advice to me was "You shouldn't be so bothered about how people think about your outward appearance." but if i do the same to him, it will utterly contradict the tenet of "doing unto others what you want others to do unto you"!

probably he hasn't realised how awful a crumpled shirt looks, like how i was disgusted by those people who wear crumpled shirts, even if it is a small crease. yesterday, he 'offered to adjust' the sling on my bag, because it was "crumpling my uniform". yeah i know he meant it as a joke, but that seemed as if to tease me again. obviously he didn't get my message.

yes, even if he had never deliberately crumpled my uniform, it would still be crumpled and not remain perfectly without any crease at the end of the day, but you see, the creases made by other forces like my bag are due to slight pressing and they are not as obvious as those made by deliberate crumpling with a clenched fist!

on the part why i'm so concerned about how people think about my outward appearance. i have always been taught in school and at home about looking good. it's sort of a social etiquette. probably his secondary school didn't emphasise on neat uniform and proper hairstyle as much as mine did (even though his primary school might more likely have done), that's why he hasn't realised that even a slightly crumpled school uniform doesn't speak highly of a student.

yes, as Christians, we should not be concerned too much on our appearance, rather, we should work on our character, and that's what matters the most. however, that doesn't mean we ignore our outward appearance totally. i shall try pulling down his school tie one day, and see if he will adjust it back, since he should also not bother what other think. my point is, a crease-free shirt together with a properly-worn tie is all part of a neat school uniform.

hai, i didn't intend to make this such a long entry. but in order to bring my message across in its entirety, i had to do this at the expense of my study time. a 5-page SMS or a 2-page postcard just wouldn't do.

probably after all these, he still doesn't "understand why it affects me so much". i guess it's just different individual awareness levels that we each possess. anyway at least i did my part to try making him understand where i'm coming from. nevertheless, i still value him as a close buddy and i hope he thinks the same way too.

Pride of the team

2007-07-20T17:22:00.000+08:00

you gotta watch this last SAJC goal scored in the A Division Football Championship 2006 at the Old Lady of Kallang from 40 metres by Jeremy Ong - True Master of the Dead Ball

Undeserved blessings

2007-07-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

it has been a very blessed birthday. it's only my 19th birthday, yet i received so many blessings which i honestly don't deserve or expect.

firstly, i wanna thank those who stayed on at or made their way to Neale's place to celebrate my birthday last Sunday evening. sorry i've got no time to include your names here (cos i can't spend much time online, but i believe you know how much i appreciate each one of you.

secondly, i wanna thank my classmates for the gifts. i totally love the sweet chocolates and the funky T-shirt!

thirdly, i wanna thank my mum for buying me new jeans and shoes, my dad and sis for accepting me for who i am all these 19 years.

fouthly, i wanna thank those who celebrated my birthday at mission trip training at church.

fifthly, i wanna thank my other friends who made my birthday special in one way or another, by writing me cards, sending me smses, adding friendster comments/messages as well as wishing me in person and via the phone.

lastly and most importantly, i wanna thank God for His gift of salvation and forgiveness.

"Hope it will be a successful academic career for you from now on." - Gaffer

Post-BT2 resilience

2007-07-14T12:49:00.000+08:00

i can't see abs on my tummy but i want to see ABS on my prelim results.

Getting fat because you've been too busy studying to exercise is not a shameful thing.

Post-BT2 despondence

2007-07-12T06:44:00.000+08:00

H2 Physics 20%
H2 Mathematics 25%
H2 Economics 40%
H1 History 44%
H1 General Paper 49%

i did my best but it's obviously not enough. :(

Post-BT2 indulgence

2007-07-05T17:22:00.000+08:00

thought your Block Test 2 papers were difficult?
obviously you haven't tried this one.

Now it's your turn to test me!

Videos

2007-06-23T01:43:00.000+08:00

alright here's a small clip of the dance performed @ Plunge just now. i apologise that Part 2 is too big for Youtube. almost made it; it was 103MB (maximum size allowed: 100MB, argh).

and here's a clip which was our Hoodland V item back in 2004 taken by Jovin (thks!).

Plunge

2007-06-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

God didn't have to create an emotional atmosphere for me to return to Him. He merely gave me a nudge to ask for prayer and i decided to be obedient after a long while.

i had expected Neale to pray for me cos he was standing together with the other counsellors, ever ready to pray for those who stepped out in faith. surprisingly, Joel Tan and Chongwei took a quicker step. it's okay i couldn't be prayed for by Neale, anyway he has always been praying for me so i thank God for that.

Chongwei led in prayer on my right, and Joel on my left. i could hear Chongwei clearly, but i knew Joel was praying for me as well, albeit in a less audible volume. i had asked for prayer for my A's and my getting back to God.

after the whole thing, i realised it was so déjà vu. i recalled that Chongwei had also prayed for me when i was 10 years younger back in 1997. i had just joined Church of the Ascension that year and we were at a Junior Sunday School camp. Dennis led worship that evening (how i miss him! glad he's back from Korea) and there was something like an altar call. i stood up to be prayed for and Chongwei was the one who prayed for me! i was emotionally and spiritually moved and i broke down with tears in heaven. that was the moment when i accepted Christ! praise God. 10 years have passed so quickly, i had been pretty close to God and i have been drifting away from Him. it's time i return.

now 10 years later, after i was baptised and confirmed last year, it was Chongwei who prayed for me again. it didn't happen intentionally or by chance. it was divine appointment. haha. oh ya i also just realised Chongwei was from SAJC too (so really, it wasn't by chance). i saw his Friendster profile some days ago. i'm one of his featured friends! cos he's got only 5 friends so far. cool thing.

the Lumpies, Neale and Solomon were sitting along the same row as i did just now. i hope they too felt God's presence at the event. i know there weren't swarms of people who attended but that's the feeling that i enjoy at CoA: cosy. God bless those who have worked so hard in putting this event together (including Chapel of Resurrection for allowing us to use the premises) as well as those who came!

hmmm "Pastor Glen(n)" sounds nice ...
is that supposed to be a calling huh?

A more balanced judgement

2007-06-21T14:04:00.000+08:00

alright alright Justin perhaps i was wrong to imply that our Econs department is overrated. but i wasn't exactly blaming our notes; i was merely highlighting the possibility that our seniors did well because they studied other schools' notes. i was presuming, not assuming. note the difference okay? haha. anyway you'll also never know if those students from elsewhere who study our notes actually do well in their Econs. heh.

i just received a reply yesterday after i had posted my entry. it was a little contrary to the trend that i observed. this senior said, "For Econs you can depend on SAJC's notes, but you can also refer to other JCs' notes. Sloman is quite useful too. For History you don't really need to use other schools' notes, although sometimes the teachings differ quite a bit. SAJC's notes are quite trustworthy, looking at the A grade percentage in recent years."

wow Jerome you're right, John Sloman is a good old friend indeed.

here's my conclusion: SAJC's Econs notes may not be totally reliable but it isn't totally unreliable as well, so i shouldn't dismiss them as totally useless. (this is like so, totally!) i shall use a little of SAJC's notes plus other schools' notes as supplementary material. totally cool.

Advice for A's

2007-06-19T15:02:00.000+08:00

recently i discovered a trend around me:

my friends @ SAJC are relying on notes that are not obtained from our own school; i see notes from other JCs, notes given by tuition teachers, etc. etc.

out of sheer curiosity, i did some sort of a survey via sms. this was what i smsed my seniors:

"When you were preparing for your A's, did you trust purely on our school's notes, or did you also read other schools' notes?"

these are their replies:

"Both. I used other notes and our school's notes together. Depends on which subject. i got Bs for all. For Econs especially, it was a big help to use VJC's notes."

"Our school's notes. It's sufficient because the supposed JCs usually have non-syllabus information. Best to study any notes with syllabus as checklist."

"Some other schools' notes."

"So as not to confuse yourself, you should use our school's notes. But some schools' notes should be better, while others might be worse. For me, I had enough trouble just studying our school's notes, so no time to see other schools' notes."

"Honestly right, when preparing for A's the most crucial thing is to do ALL questions from past year papers. Reading notes only won't help you much. But if you have weak topics that you need to read up first, use other schools' notes. SAJC's notes are very misleading and sometimes lack content."

"I relied mainly on our school's notes, with a little supplement from other schools. Like those that I think are really good. Our school's History notes should be ok, our track record is quite good. But for Econs, try to get a bit from outside."

"I used the lecture notes to digest the concepts. Then other books, then prelim papers, then past A level papers."

"Well, I did use a lot of ACJC's notes for Geography. And a lot of Wikipedia. But the most reliable are definitely reference books that teachers recommend and from libraries."

"For Biology I used the Longman guidebook. Other than that it was more of doing practice than studying notes."

"I did refer to other schools' notes for Econs. The rest I just used our school's notes."

hmmm. for 18 months i actually thought our Econs department is really reputable with solid substance, with most our seniors doing well over the years. now i realise it is probably because they studied notes from other schools' Econs departments.

thank God i've got a sister from VJC (although some may despise that), an awfully good friend from ACJC (although i don't take Geography) as well as easy access to Wikipedia (although it isn't totally reliable).